Slaughtered
by Moonshine 369
Summary: Misa has a night of fun and Trick-or-treating planned for her and Light, but that might prove difficult if Light gets murdered by L before that's possible. Funny Halloween fic. Includes twisted humor, and lots of fake blood.


**Jesus Christ. This took me ages to write. But it was fun. I couldn't think of a title, though, sadly, so I just put up the first thing that made sense. So... if anyone has any better ideas, please let me know. Thanks!**

**Oh, and just a note, um... there is really no plausible way that this fic could happen, because Light and L are lacking handcuffs, unfortunately. Just pretend that... ehm... the handcuffs dissappeared. Temporarily. ****Also, I'm aware that Halloween is L's birthday. But I really didn't see any way to include it... sorry. I doubt L would even tell the rest of them when his birthday was, anyway.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, but if I did, this fic would _totally_ be cannon. xD**

**Enjoy.**

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Misa crossed her arms, her foot tapping out an impatient beat against the cold floor of the Task Force headquarters. She had been sitting for far too long on this hard, uncomfortable chair, waiting for her boyfriend to emerge from upstairs, and it was freezing in the headquarters. It could possibly be because of how little clothing she was wearing—but it was Halloween. She was supposed to be dressed up.

With a "humph", she crossed her legs like a frustrated littlechild. After she'd gone through all of this trouble to dress up for Light, he was taking forever to get downstairs! She looked at her watch. He said he'd be ready for seven, and it was seven-thirty.

But the frustration soon melted away as Misa considered her plans for the night. They'd have to go trick-or-treating, of course, to show off Misa's home-made witch costume, and then, maybe she and Light would go for a walk around town, looking at decorations, followed by snuggling and watching horror films. Misa would have to pretend to be extra frightened, of course, so that Light would have more of a reason to comfort her.

"Lii-iight!" Misa yelled her boyfriend's name once again in the direction of the staircase. "How much longer do you think you're going to be?"

Light must have been out of earshot, because he didn't respond to her outcry.

Misa sighed, crossing her arms again, and turning to stare at the large, unattended monitors. There, she could see Light's empty bedroom. The news was playing on the TV, though no one was watching it. Hmm. Misa stood up, and moved closer to the screen. Maybe if she watched for long enough, she could catch Light changing.

"What are you looking at?"

Misa jumped at his voice coming from behind her, but the speed of her heart only escalated briefly, as soon, she was too overcome with excitement to leave any room for shock.

"Light!" she said with a squeal. "I was starting to think you fell asleep or something! Are we going trick-or-treating? What—ugh!" Her voice was now thick with disgust. "Light," she whined. "What are you wearing?"

Light looked down at his clothes defensively, seeing nothing out of the ordinary: black pants and a black button up dress shirt. He looked back at Misa questioningly.

"Where's your costume? What are you being for Halloween?"

Light's eyes rolled up to the ceiling. "Yagami Light."

Despite this, Misa's eyes widened with cheeriness. "I have just the thing!" She bent down to her purse, and produced a plain, bright orange tie, handing it to him with a smile.

Light stared at the tie, resentment clear on his face. "What am I supposed to do with that?"

"Put it on, you silly!" Misa cried, taking it upon herself to do so. She lifted Light's collar and tossed the orange tie around his neck, but before she could do anything else, Light brushed her hand away, taking the tie into his own hands and working it into the knot.

"There!" Misa said as if proud of her own hand crafted work.

Light reached up to loosen the tie, but Misa promptly slapped his hand away. "Stop that!" she cried. "You have to get into the holiday spirit!"

"Is it really going to take a bad tie to do that?" Light murmured, but was quieted nonetheless, which seemed to satisfy Misa enough.

"So? What do you think?" Misa quickly digressed to a new subject, doing a ballerina-worthy twirl to model her witch costume. "I spent all of last week sewing it, just for you. You like?"

"It's nice," Light said, with a genuine looking smile on his face. While sometimes delirious, Misa was not stupid, and she noticed that Light's response was more cheery—considerably so—than his usual shrug-and-grunt response, causing her to bubble with excitement and anticipation.

"Thank you, Light-kun!" she squealed. "Want to hear my plans for the night?"

Light suddenly switched from a loving boyfriend to a clinically paranoid one, glancing at his watch friskily and glaring over his shoulder to the staircase, as if Kuchisake-onna***** was going to jump down and ask Light if he thought she was pretty. With his eyes still locked on the staircase, he said, "Tell me."

"Well, first I thought we might start with the houses by the Yagami Residence, and work our way back. I think—"

"Trick-or-treating?" Light didn't sound annoyed or confused; he sounded like he was trying to make conversation. Which was unusual of him, but Misa wasn't going to let the opportunity pass.

"Yep!" she said. "You're never too old for candy! And plus," she pouted, "I want to show off my costume. Plus—candy!" she repeated, as if the mere thought of sugary sweets would send Light pelting out the door like a six-year-old.

"Where candy is involved, Ryuzaki soon follows," Light pointed out.

Misa huffed at the truth in his words. "We'll bring something back for him!"

"You think he'd agree to that?"

Misa considered this for another moment, and then said, "Fine. He can come."

Light gave a wary hum, his eyes purposely not locking onto hers. What, he'd persuade her to let Ryuzaki come along only to say that he couldn't?

Light straightened his collar futilely. "I'm just not sure if his coming along would be the best of ideas."

"Let's sneak out then! What he doesn't know can't hurt him. We'll bring him some candy back, okay? Let's go!" she grabbed onto his arm and pulled as hard as she could, to no avail.

"Cameras, remember?" Light told her, glancing around. "Everywhere."

"Where are you two going?"

Light froze, panic clear on his beautiful face, and turned slowly to glimpse the staircase. "Ryuzaki."

"Well?"

"We're going trick-or-treating. You can't come, but we'll bring you back some candy, alright?" Misa said, hands on her hips like a frustrated mother. Light now turned to stare at her in perturbed shock, but remained, however, wordless.

"I see," Ryuzaki said quietly. "Well then. Enjoy yourselves. Bring me some lollipops."

"Sorry, Ryuzaki!" Misa said, hooking her arm through Light's and waving over her shoulder. "But we'll make sure to get you some good stuff!" And she proceeded to attempt to drag Light out of the door.

Light craned his neck, trying to see Ryuzaki for as long as he could before Misa jerked his arm, forcing his attention back forward. What was going on between those two? No matter. Soon, Misa and Light would be having too much fun to think about silly Ryuzaki.

"Oh."

Misa's heart sank into her stomach the second Ryuzaki's voice reached her ears. And they had been so close! What an annoying little detective.

Light turned to the staircase, a peculiar expression akin to relief on his face. "What is it?"

"If your witch will excuse you… I'd like to have a word. In private."

Misa glared as Light said, "Of course," and turned to her. "You don't mind. Do you?"

"Just hurry."

"Thanks," Light murmured, and followed Ryuzaki, hands in pockets, up the staircase and into the first room, reserved for investigation computers.

Back where she'd started. At this rate, they'd never get to Trick-or- treating! Who knew how long Ryuzaki could babble about the Kira case, which was most likely their topic, for? Too long.

"Hey Misa-Misa!"

Misa jumped, startled by Matsuda's voice, but breathed deep and turned. "Oh, hi there, Matsuda-san. Um… what are you?"

"I'm the Chief!"

Misa blinked. Did a fake moustache and glasses qualify as a costume?

Matsuda let out a nervous giggle. "So, you didn't think it was funny? Strange… neither did the Chief."

Misa tried to smile.

"Anyway," Matsuda pealed off the moustache and glasses. "Where's Light?"

Misa pouted again. "Talking with Ryuzaki."

"Ooh." Matsuda winced. "They haven't been getting along very well lately… have they?"

"I haven't noticed anything."

"Well… Don't tell this to anyone, but…"

Misa spun to face him, suddenly engaged. "Yes?"

"I heard Ryuzaki talking in his sleep last night about how much he'd like to… no, you don't need to hear it."

"What, Matsuda?"

"Well… how much he'd like to kill Light."

Matsuda scowled as Misa laughed in his face. "How silly! Those two are getting along just fine, like they always do. You're overreacting."

"Fine, just think that," he grumbled. "But you might want to keep an eye on their room… just in case." Put out, he turned and left.

"Silly," Misa mumbled again, watching as Matsuda slinked out of the room. "Silly… detective…" She chewed on a manicured nail thoughtlessly, finding herself sinking into the chair in front of the large screen of monitors despite herself.

Hmmm… Where were they?

Aha.

On the monitor right in front of her, she could clearly see Light and Ryuzaki, standing amongst computers. She leaned closer to the screen, but there was no sound… for that, she'd have to ask for Matsuda's help, but that would mean admitting she was buying into his silly little ideas. Which she didn't, of course.

Although… did Ryuzaki look a bit angrier than normal? No, that must've been her imagination.

What was that in his hand? Was that a knife?

"Oh. Heh, heh," Misa spoke quietly to heself. "...Must be cutting a cake…" Her voice sounded distant, even to herself.

In a painfully slow movement, Ryuzaki raised the knife above his head.

Misa jumped up from the chair. "Matsuda…?" she called, feebly.

With a thrust only he could throw, Light aimed a punch squarely for his face. Ryuzaki dodged it, and staggered closer with the knife still in tow.

Light took a step back, and then another. The third step sent him tumbling to the ground. He raised his hand above his face, as if trying to block out the sun's light, but Misa knew that wasn't what he was guarding himself against.

"Matsuda?" Misa tore her eyes from the screen to glance around the empty room for the young, amateur detective. "Matsuda?"

When she turned back, Light was again on his feet, and was pelting out of the room. In a flash, Ryuzaki sped after him.

"Matsuda!"

She turned back to the monitor. The room was silent, eerily empty and lifeless. Where were those two?

She inhaled, and held her breath for as long as she could, exhaling only when she sat back in the chair. It was… she… she had seen wrong. Of course. Ryuzaki was a detective, not a murderer, and Light was perfectly fine.

Perfectly fine.

She felt a light tap on her shoulder, and spun around instantly.

Right behind her stood her Light-kun. "Misa," he gurgled. There was a red liquid coating his forehead. He staggered forward like he was drunk, and fell forward, putting all his weight on Misa-Misa's chest.

"AAAAHH!"

Horrified, Misa pelted from the room as she spotted the glinting dagger protruding from her boyfriend's chest, with a spout of dark blood pouring from the stab wound. The last thing she heard before escaping completely was the sickening squelch that Light's corpse made as it fell forward and landed face down, only causing the knife to be forced in further.

* * *

"Light-kun? You can get up now. She's gone."

Light opened his eyes, and sat up with ease, wincing down at all of the fake blood on his chest. What a waste of a perfectly good shirt.

Well, it wasn't as if it was for no reason at all. And he would waste a hundred good shirts just to catch Misa's expression one more time.

He took L's hand, and the detective pulled him to his feet. With one hand, he pulled the retractable knife out of from where it had been stuck onto his shirt, and tossed it onto the monitor desk.

"How long do you think she'll go before she realizes that all the blood I got all over her was fake?" he asked, loosening Misa's ruined orange tie, his eyes fixed on the door.

"Considering it's Amane-san we're talking about… she probably won't realize until she calls to invite us to your funeral."

Light chuckled. What he wouldn't give to get rid of Misa for a while, especially when she planned to drag him all over town to go trick-or-treating.

"So, about that candy…"

Light turned back to the insomniac, the grin he now bore feeling strange on his face. "A deal's a deal, right?"

"A month's worth of lollipops…" L murmured to himself, following Light back up the stairs to retrieve the aforementioned candy.

Light chuckled. For a pulling that off with Misa, Light wouldn't have hesitated to keep L in lollipops until the day he died.

* * *

***Japanese folktale monster/demon. This isn't to authenticize the Japanese-ness of the setting or story, it's just because Kuchisake-onna is awesome. o.o Google her. ;D**

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I am a sick person.

**Oh, and Matsuda was in on it too, by the way. I just didn't put him into the ending.**

**Happy Birthday to you,  
Happy Birthday to you,  
Happy Birthday, dear L Lawliet...  
Happy Birthday to you!**

**Happy Halloween! ;D**


End file.
